You're my little dorito
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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