idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize