Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
it's like iHOP with fire
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
