I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
