He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
