YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
