i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
