Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Randomize