This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
