"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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