when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize
