fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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