I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
