Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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