I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
