he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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