I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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