All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
