Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
