i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
