I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
