So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize
