you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
