he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
