I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
