ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
