You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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