Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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