Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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