I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
