I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
