i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
