i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
