I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
