My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
