Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Your dad touched me again.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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