My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.