I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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