okay pat passed out under dana's car
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
