What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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