It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
