i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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