nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
soo... how was my night?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
