if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
