I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
