forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Randomize
