if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
another moral hangover. fuck.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
