I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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