Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
