Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
