honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize
