Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
COCAINE IS GR8
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
