hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
