I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
