take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
