My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
