even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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