So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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