I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
