He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
