My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
My ATM looks so different sober.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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