That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
