Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
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