I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
