i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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