My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
