So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
