I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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